Platinum Paperclips

Aaah, Returns!

This man came into my store this morning looking for a box to pack a guitar amplifier he sold on Ebay. Using all 6 years of my wonderful UPS experience, I recommended a box to him, and even suggested how he should pack it to make sure it gets delivered safely (in one piece). Later that afternoon, he brings the box BACK and says its too big and asks to return it. However, it looked like it had already been shipped FIVE times and I asked what he did to the box?? He said it got rained on. I apologized and told him I could not return the box in its condition. Furious, he started accusing me that I sold him a box too big on purpose and owe him his money for a box! ... What?!

Too Much Information

I'm always amazed at how much information people will actually share with a complete stranger! I just listened to a customer for ten long akward minutes talking about how all the people in her family were named...including her third cousin! Not even kidding!! And not one customer walked in to save me! SMH.

Didn't Want To Know!

This older lady came into the store not too long ago, and asked to use the restroom. After telling her where it was, she then asks "Is there air freshener in there?" ...OH-k...that's gross!

Justice is Sweet!

So this incredibly rude, really cheap guy comes into the store the other day. After 10 minutes of describing to him all his shipping options, he finally decides he doesn't want to send his huge box UPS and actually has the nerve to ask me where FedEx is! So i tell him where he can drag his 2 foot square, 70 lb box to. He then takes off his dress shirt, brings his car around, and for a good 10 minutes in the sweltering heat is trying to JAM this box back in his car. Finally succeeding, he drives off in a hurry.... And leaves his shirt on the counter!

You gotta love when a little justice is served...except now his stinky shirt is still here at the store! Gross!

Is Black a color??

I had a lady ask how much color copies were. "We currently have a sale, they are 35 cents each", I told her. She pulls out a piece of paper with black text on it and asks for it to be copied in color. "Well, it would need to already be in color to make a color copy of it" I said... I am just amazed at some people!

The Cheapskate

So I decided to go see what all the commotion was about over at the Goodwill next to our store. (There were a few police cars parked out front.) Apparently, this lady was caught shoplifting! ...At GOODWILL!! "You mean you didn't have the 50¢ to pay for that?!"

Imaginary Postal Service

From someone dropping off mail: "Is the REAL mailman going to pick this up?"

Uhm...what?!

Just Help Yourself

I had an older gentlemen walk in the store today. I was doing a Notary at the time, so he was taking his time looking at the boxes we have on display...but THEN he just strolled on back to the back area (an obvious employees only area) and started looking at our boxes in stock...taking them out of their slots, opening them and measuring them with the measuring tape he brought in himself!

"Um, Sir? Can I help you find a box?" I said, sort of in shock.
"No thanks, your busy anyway" he replied.

The customer I was with just looked at me, and we shot eachother a look, like "Okaaaaaaay?!", and giggled. :) I was speechless!

I didn't Need to Know That!

A lady is pulling out her Driver License for me to see before I accept her check for payment. She stops and looks at it for a few moments. Maybe she's checking to make sure its not a credit card. (People do that all the time, hand me the wrong thing.) But then she keeps looking at it, stares at it intently for what seems like forever!

"Oh my, look how heavy I was in this picture. My cheeks are huge" she says!

I'm not gonna tell this lady, "Yeah. You were fat." So I just grin a bit, take it, write down her license number on the check and hand it back to her.

But then she, yet again, starts staring at it! Then, I suppose to justify the akward moment, proceeds to explain to me:

"This was before I had the bacterial infection in my bowels. I lost a lot of weight after that. Ten pounds in a week!"

Um...that's gross! I did not need to know that!

Oooooh-dometer!

I answered the phone today and gave the lady on the other end directions to our store. "Once you turn onto US1, we will be a 1/2 mile on your right." She thanked me and we hung up.

About 20 minutes later, a lady drops-off a pre-paid package, and as she's about to walk out, turns around and asks "Were you the one who gave me directions earlier?" ...I was the only one in the store, so I must have. "Yes" I replied.

"Well, I'd like to make a suggestion. It's hard to pay attention to the odometer on US1, so maybe you could say you are behind Wendy's"

"Oh, O.K. Thank you" I reply...holding my toungue for what I'd acutally like to say:

"Really?! Yes, US1 is a busy road, but is it necessary to use your odometer for a 1/2 mile?? Once you turn on the road, start looking for it! There are signs!"

Eh?

This morning, I was helping an elderly lady send a package. As I was filling out the label, I asked "What is the value of the items you're sending?" She looks at me blankly. I repeat "The things you're sending, how much are they worth?" She pauses, and replies "Yes." I couldn't help but chuckle a little on the inside. This poor lady couldn't hear a thing I was saying.
So as I'm yelling at this lady, I feel so mean, as the other people behind her are waiting and watching me. I'm not yelling AT her, I'm yelling FOR her. :)

Plead the Fifth

A younger gentlemen comes into the store for his appointment to get his fingerprints taken.
I check his ID and pull up his information on our system. I let him know we are going to start with his index finger. He holds up his hand, looks at it for a moment, then asks "which is that?"

Better yet, he was getting his fingerprints taken because he was about to take the Florida Bar Exam... Oh, dear!

Please Do Not Leave Brains Unattended

In our store, near the front counter, we have a sign asking parents in a nice, humerous way to keep an eye on their children, as we have had problems with kids popping bubbles on our retail supply of bubblewrap, writing on displays, sitting on our copy machines and running into employee only areas.

One day, while typing up a label, a lady reads the sign to herself aloud. Pauses for a moment. Then with an inquisitive look on her face, asks me "Real puppies?"

Man Power

An elderly lady walks through the door. She comes to the front counter, and interrupting the customer I am currently helping, asks me "Excuse me, is there a man that could help me bring in a box."

The boss (a man) is in his back office. However, feeling slightly offended, I simply answer "As soon as I am finished here, I can help you with your package."

When I go to her car to get the package, I realize I need to make a note to myself: the phrase "Is there a man to help with a box" translates into "I have a 9 pound box I can't lift. Can you help me?" :)

Closing Time Woes

I am okay with a customer coming into the store 5 minutes before closing and needing a fax or a copy or a book of stamps. No big deal. But there is a big difference between that and needing:

3 Evelopes
13 Copies
11 Notarized copies
1 UPS Ground Shipment
1 UPS Next Day Air Shipment
1 CD Mailer
2 Metered Mail items
and 1 Certified Return Receipt...none of which my very indecisive customer had organized from the moment he walked in.

He came in around 6:26, and was at the store for a little over an hour. Once he left, I locked the door, counted the till, and finished with other closing procedures. As I was getting ready to pull down the gate, I hear a frantic knocking at the front door. It is my indecisive friend again. *Sigh* I walk to the front door. "My brother lost his phone", he says. I let him in and we look for his phone. It's not here...of course. He finally leaves for good.

So closing time is at 6:30. I did not leave the store until 7:50! And what kills me is that when he and his brother walked in, they asked me what time I close. So while they were taking their time organizing and signing and filling out paperwork, they knew I closed an hour ago.
I don't know, but I would feel awful about doing that to someone...on a Friday, none the less!

Wrong Of Way

On my way to work this morning, I saw a car about 200 feet ahead and in the lane next to me in REVERSE, backing up into oncoming traffic (for about 150 feet) to get to the plaza she passed!!! Did I REALLY just see that??!!
Where is a cop when you need one?

Wait, Who Am I?

I pick up the phone, saying "Thank you for calling The UPS Store. How can I help you?"
To which the voice on the other end then asks "Is this the Post Office?"
"No." I reply, "This is the UPS Store."
Again, he says "Oh, this isn't the Post Office?"

*Sigh*