Plead the Fifth

A younger gentlemen comes into the store for his appointment to get his fingerprints taken.
I check his ID and pull up his information on our system. I let him know we are going to start with his index finger. He holds up his hand, looks at it for a moment, then asks "which is that?"

Better yet, he was getting his fingerprints taken because he was about to take the Florida Bar Exam... Oh, dear!

Please Do Not Leave Brains Unattended

In our store, near the front counter, we have a sign asking parents in a nice, humerous way to keep an eye on their children, as we have had problems with kids popping bubbles on our retail supply of bubblewrap, writing on displays, sitting on our copy machines and running into employee only areas.

One day, while typing up a label, a lady reads the sign to herself aloud. Pauses for a moment. Then with an inquisitive look on her face, asks me "Real puppies?"

Man Power

An elderly lady walks through the door. She comes to the front counter, and interrupting the customer I am currently helping, asks me "Excuse me, is there a man that could help me bring in a box."

The boss (a man) is in his back office. However, feeling slightly offended, I simply answer "As soon as I am finished here, I can help you with your package."

When I go to her car to get the package, I realize I need to make a note to myself: the phrase "Is there a man to help with a box" translates into "I have a 9 pound box I can't lift. Can you help me?" :)

Closing Time Woes

I am okay with a customer coming into the store 5 minutes before closing and needing a fax or a copy or a book of stamps. No big deal. But there is a big difference between that and needing:

3 Evelopes
13 Copies
11 Notarized copies
1 UPS Ground Shipment
1 UPS Next Day Air Shipment
1 CD Mailer
2 Metered Mail items
and 1 Certified Return Receipt...none of which my very indecisive customer had organized from the moment he walked in.

He came in around 6:26, and was at the store for a little over an hour. Once he left, I locked the door, counted the till, and finished with other closing procedures. As I was getting ready to pull down the gate, I hear a frantic knocking at the front door. It is my indecisive friend again. *Sigh* I walk to the front door. "My brother lost his phone", he says. I let him in and we look for his phone. It's not here...of course. He finally leaves for good.

So closing time is at 6:30. I did not leave the store until 7:50! And what kills me is that when he and his brother walked in, they asked me what time I close. So while they were taking their time organizing and signing and filling out paperwork, they knew I closed an hour ago.
I don't know, but I would feel awful about doing that to someone...on a Friday, none the less!

Wrong Of Way

On my way to work this morning, I saw a car about 200 feet ahead and in the lane next to me in REVERSE, backing up into oncoming traffic (for about 150 feet) to get to the plaza she passed!!! Did I REALLY just see that??!!
Where is a cop when you need one?

Wait, Who Am I?

I pick up the phone, saying "Thank you for calling The UPS Store. How can I help you?"
To which the voice on the other end then asks "Is this the Post Office?"
"No." I reply, "This is the UPS Store."
Again, he says "Oh, this isn't the Post Office?"

*Sigh*

Lost in Translation

Casually talking about the weather with a customer, as I’m ringing her up, she mentions “I hope it gets nicer for the holiday weekend. This rainy weather is hanging on like a bad wart.”
….um, I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with that expression. :)

Technical Difficulties

As I'm dialing the number to fax a set of papers, the customer stops me abruptly. "Wait!", she says, "Can I please get a copy of those first, so I can keep a set?"















Does she really not know how a fax machine works?? I proceed to explain to her that she'll get back the originals, the fax machine just scans it first. (Your actual documents are not being sent through the phone line, lady.)

Say What?

At the store, we have a fingerprinting station.
One of the appointments walks in and says "Yes. I'm here to get my fingerprints tooken."

I Stand Corrected!

I had to remove a staple from a pack of papers this lady wanted me to make copies of. The documents were a little torn and discolored, the staple was rusty...obviously old. While I'm making the copies, she asks "Where can I find stainless steel staples, you know, so it won't rust?"

I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard, and chuckled under my breath...and then I second guessed myself. Do they make them? So I Googled it, and I stand corrected! They do exist for construction, upholstery, etc...just not for document services. So, her question was still funny, but only half as much. :)

FedUp

On more than one occassion: "Do you ship FedEx?"

Strings Attached

A lady requests a quote on sending a package, so that she can go to the Dollar Store next door and buy either red ribbon or blue ribbon. She has a heavy accent, so maybe I didn't hear her correctly... I'm not understanding why she needs ribbon. She explains to me that her sister told her she needs either red ribbon for next day air, or blue ribbon for second day air.

I tried really hard to hide my smile and laughter for that one!

Not Guilty

A gentlemen comes into the store with another couple (the husband, which, is wearing a back brace and walking with a cane). I notarize a document for them, stating that the gentlemen gave the couple $1,200 for the settlement of a car accident. The money is exchanged, the document is signed, and the couple leaves.

The gentlemen asks if he can borrow a paperclip for his document and receipts. I point him to the container on the counter where they are kept. Then, half mumbling to me, he says "$1,200 and all I get is this stinkin' paperclip." "Hope its made of platinum" I reply, trying to joke. But I feel awful for that couple! The man can hardly walk, and here this guy is complaining about his compensation money... which is hardly even a compensation, in my opinion!

We Have Bills Too!

A customer comes in to check his mailbox, and approaches the front counter holding his late notice on his mailbox rental. I prepare myself for battle… Sure enough, he asks “I’ve been a customer here for years. You’re really going to charge me a late fee?!” I ask him to allow me to check when his box rent was due. (It seems like it’s taking an eternity for the program to boot up…I love MBM!) His rent was due May 1st. (which means we initially gave him a rental notice 2 weeks before that) It is now the 23rd. I make him aware of the fact that we normally allow 10 business days after the due date without charging a late fee, and since we are an additional 2 weeks past that, that unfortunately, I do have to apply the charge. “Well, not that $10 is a lot, but it’s the principle. I’ll just move my box. There are plenty of other places that want my business.” He adds some comforting words to me: “I know it’s not you personally.” Gee, thanks.

And I am inclined to agree with him, it is the principle. It’s the fact that you are a full month past due. We are a business! We need our money too! And 10 business days is far more than any landlord, or credit card company, or city utility company will give you without penalties! So stop your whining, pay up…and you’re not moving your business for a lousy $10! Who are you kidding?!

Rainbow Underwear

From a lady my boss hides in his office from : She bought a sports themed “Congratulations” card with a Pug on it, and with it, included some type of small article of clothing in a plastic bag (it looked like something you order on TV…like underwear, from what I could tell) and put it all into a padded envelope. Considering the contents, I figured it was some cheap graduation gift to a niece, or someone.

After she addressed it, I proceeded to put postage on it, only then noticing the intended receiver~ the White House. More specifically, Michelle Obama! I’m sure the First Lady will love her new rainbow colored underwear!

24 Hour Pick Up?

During the course of a 5 minute phone all (all of which was time spent trying to explain to this elderly woman where exactly we were located, so she could drop off her pre-paid package), she asks me when our UPS pick-up is. I tell her it is at 5:45. There is a brief pause from the woman…..“In the morning?” she asks!

The Incredible Shrinking Box

I had a customer in the store measure the same box for 5 minutes....dude, the dimensions aren't going to change....and they're labeled on the box on that big white tag, by the way!

Elementary, my Dear.

From too many customers to count: "Where do I put my return address?" ...um, where they taught is in 2nd grade, the upper left corner of the envelope!


One of the customers, a young woman in her mid-20’s, felt the need to justify the question, “I’ve never sent a letter. Everything’s electronic now.” To which, another customer added “Has she never RECEIVED a letter?!”

Mind Reader

Sir, I can't ship in this box because it’s advertising alcohol. "Well why didn't you tell me before I packed it?" ....um, I would have called you, but....?!

Ironing Board Sold Seperately

While packing a box in the back, I hear the elderly woman at the front counter tell me "Don't wrinkle my clothes in the box!" Yeah, ok. ...how the heck does she think this box is gonna be handled all the way up to NY??

Bubbles

A guy called the store today asking for advice on how to pack his items for shipment. Apparently it was of great concern to him that when he was using the bubble wrap, whether he should place the bubbles up or place the bubbles down on his item! ...for the record, it REALLY doesn't matter! :)